Q: Where does the report say COVID-19 came from?

A: A lab in Wuhan, not a wet market. Turns out bats and soup got a bad rap.

Q: What’s the evidence for the lab leak theory?

A: A virus characteristic “not found in nature” and Wuhan lab researchers reportedly getting sick before the outbreak.

Q: What about social distancing?

A: The report says it wasn’t based on science. Apparently, the "six feet rule" just kind of... showed up.

Q: Did masks work?

A: The subcommittee found “no conclusive evidence” that masks protected people. So, all that fogged-up glasses drama might have been for nothing.

Q: What’s the deal with Fauci?

A: He admitted the social distancing guidance “just appeared” and continues to face criticism for the pandemic response.

Q: What were the long-term effects of these measures?

A: Skyrocketing unemployment and kids losing decades of academic progress. So, not exactly a win-win.

Q: What about China’s role in this?

A: The report points to "gain-of-function" research in Wuhan and claims researchers were sick with COVID-like symptoms in late 2019.

Q: Any surprises about masks?

A: Besides being useless according to the report? No, but the mask fashion industry might feel a bit duped.

Q: How long was this investigation?

A: Two years and 520 pages later, they’ve concluded what Twitter threads were debating in 2020.

Q: Final takeaway?

A: The pandemic response might’ve been more guesswork than science, and Fauci might’ve been winging it.

Q: So, what now?

A: We wait for the inevitable debates, documentaries, and very angry social media threads. Stay tuned.